📇 What to Say, and What Not to Say

A guide to comforting mourners — halachically, humanly, and with heart

Dave Weinberg

13 Jun 2025 — 1 min read

This week I found myself thinking about aveilut — not just in theory, but in life.

I was at a Shiva in Chicago for a friend’s parent. And just this morning, I learned that a high school friend of mine, Jonny Teller zt"l, had passed away.

My father’s yahrzeit is coming up soon — 6th of Tamuz, July 2. Twenty years. He was a remarkable educator, person, father — and would have been the most amazing grandfather to my kids.

These moments brought me back to a simple truth:
👉 Most people don’t know what to do when someone is grieving.

What to say.
What not to say.
When to speak.
When to sit in silence.

Halacha doesn’t just tolerate this uncertainty — it meets it with surprising wisdom. There are laws, yes. But behind those laws is a spiritual psychology: grief, presence, humility, timing, and kindness.

So this week, I asked MefarshAI to go deep.
We pulled together Chazal, Rishonim, Rav Soloveitchik, Rav Kook, Rav Zvi Rimon, Rav Schachter, and more — to build something clear, helpful, and human.

🕊️ Introducing:

The Availut Etiquette Card

A wallet-sized, halachically sound guide to comforting mourners
Portable. Printable. Shareable.

We turned all the research into a credit-card sized guide you can carry with you, or leave in a synagogue, or print for your shul. Whether you’re walking into a Shiva house or just want to be more prepared — this is for you.

🖼️ You can see the full site, research and download your own card here:
👉 gentlyventures.com/build/mefarshai/availut

It includes:

When to visit and what to say
What not to say
Ashkenazi and Sephardi variations
Halachic and emotional framing
A printable 2-sided card (PDF) + design preview

🙏 May it bring comfort.

May the memory of Jonny, my father, and all those we carry be a blessing.
And may we all learn to show up — a little more gently, a little more prepared.

Dave

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🌀 MefarshAI is a weekly Torah + AI experiment. We go deep, then small. If you’re new here, subscribe below or check the archive.

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